I knew from a very young age that spanking was for me. That domestic discipline might also be for me snuck up on me and took me completely by surprise.
I married a spanker. In fact, that’s why I married him. And he began talking to me specifically because I was a “submissive.” That we both knew we wanted that straight off the bat pretty much defined our marriage right from the very beginning. That he is also eleven years my elder pretty much guaranteed that our marriage became a DD one right from the start too. How has DD changed me over the years?
When I was twenty, I had a playful mouth on me like you wouldn’t believe….well, okay. You might. I loved to sass. It was my favorite form of recreation and communication, and my poor husband who had lived alone pretty much since he left home at 17 got a crash course in how to deal with my mouth over our honeymoon–four days of driving from my state to his (I was a mail-order bride) with all my things packed in the back of my little hatchback. He was driving. I was reading the map. Let the good times roll. Let’s just say, I got spanked a LOT during my wild and wooly twenties, but back then we approached DD like it was a code we had to live by or die trying. It was very rigid. It broke down a lot and took a LOT of talking to get back up and running again. We weren’t perfect–either one of us–but we kept it going.
The thirties kinda mellowed us both. I grew up, my common sense blossomed and my sense of responsibility kicked in. Did DD have something to do with it? Probably. That I stopped smoking was a direct result of a hot cherry burning a hole in the flooring of our brand new car–you know, the one he told me not to smoke in–and the punishment paddling I received for trying to conceal my crime by snipping off fibers from under the seats and gluing them into the burned spot. We had our ups, our downs, our crazy arguments that were never about anything that normal couples ought to fight over, and I was spanked less and less often for punishment and more often just because and for the sheer fun of it.
Now, I’m in my forties and the punishment spankings are practically non-existent. For fun and sex has become our new normal. I really like the new normal, although my twenty-year-old self never would have thought so. She was too in love with the idea of misbehaving, getting caught, and getting her seat dusted because of it. My forty-year-old self is, frankly, exhausted by her. I still sass, but only when I know it’ll make him smile, and my heart still flutters when he gives me that look. You know, the one that says if my sister weren’t living with us, he’d be cooking dinner tonight and we’d soooo be having rump roast. <3 I love that look.
DD is still very much a part of our lives, but we’ve relaxed with it, grown comfortable in our roles. He’s the boss, because I’m at my happiest when he’s in that role; I’m still “submissive”…but usually only because I can’t find anything better to do. TTWD has become such a deep part of who we are, not just as individuals but as a couple, I don’t think we could coexist without it. And by that I mean I don’t think we could coexist without its surfacing in some form between us. Whether it’s a Look, a slap on the ass as we’re passing one another in the hall, or a half-serious threat uttered with a laugh because I’m forty years old and I still haven’t learned to shut up when the situation warrants it.
I love this life we live. I love TTWD. We’re still not perfect. It still takes a lot of communication, but I can’t imagine trying to live any other way. Where am I going to be 10, 20, even 30 years from now? I just asked my husband and he said, “Buried under an electric pole if you don’t get the dishes done.” Which is Grumpy Butt for, “I don’t know, honey. Where do you want to be?”
I want to be more relaxed, more open, more sassy. I want punishment spankings to be a thing of the past. Except…wait. There is still that part of me that loses all grip with reality and actually longs for the security of knowing the Punishment Paddle will come out if I push the envelope in certain directions.So maybe it’s a good thing that those remain a part of our marriage. All right, I’ll try again. I don’t ever want to reach a point in our marriage where he is not in charge and spankings are not a part of our relationship. It’s how we first connected and how we connect to one another still. This is my security blanket. It’s how I know he still cares about who I am at my very core.
I hope that never changes.
Now, excuse me while I go draw the hubby a map to the dishwasher.
List of Participating Authors
Click here to check out the other authors contributing to this week’s discussion on what DD means to the course of their lives.